Multi-National Cow-porations (MNCs)

THE TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkemon' and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM$0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM$0.60 or you cut the> supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again.
Now you want RM$1.20. The buyer then decides you can keep the milk.
They look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu".

Unusual Ebay Feedbacks

» POSITIVE: Item shipped quickly, have been having erotic dreams about seller. Thanks!

» POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside?

» NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should've poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded.

» NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities.

» NEGATIVE: Honda R-Type sticker did not add horsepower as advertised.

» NEUTRAL: Item shipped promptly and in good condition, but I should not have to bid on birthday presents from my parents.

» POSITIVE: I don't really remember what I ordered. But I've been sitting in the box it came in all day, and it's great!

» NEGATIVE: Product didn't work, possibly broken. I woke up this morning and was disappointed to find I still believe in Jesus Christ our Savior. :(

» POSITIVE: Excellent Buyer. A++++++. Thrilled by the quartz movement of the "Rolex". HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

» NEGATIVE: Should have been clearer that seller only accepts payment in Bhats via Eastern Union Moneygram.

» POSITIVE: Plain brown packaging seemed to fool my wife. Thanks!

» NEGATIVE: The dog won't hunt.

» NEGATIVE: Very nice monkey mascot costume, but it's a size 34, not a 63 as advertised.

» NEGATIVE: Lederhosen not as pink as the picture led me to believe.

» POSITIVE: A+++++. Items are exactly as described. Best case of kalashnikovs I've ever bought. Allah Akbar!

» NEGATIVE: This is clearly the ninth, NOT THE SIXTH, repackaging of Mad Super Special #24.

» POSITIVE: One of the scents mixed in with the packing peanuts remind me of a passionate weekend in Rio... was that you?

» POSITIVE: The way you wrote my zip-code makes me weak in the knees. Such smooth strokes. A+!

» NEGATIVE: Though you did nothing wrong, I am giving you this negative feedback to teach you that the universe is arbitrary and unfair.

» NEGATIVE: Buying this Space 1999 Lunchbox did not fill the void in my empty life for as long as I'd hoped.

Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay

» He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

» She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

» The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

» McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

» From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

» Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

» Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

» Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake

» Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

» He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

» The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

» Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

» Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

» The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

» They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth

» John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

» The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

» His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free

» The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

Doctors' Comments On Patient Charts:

"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

"Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."

"The patient refused an autopsy."

"The patient has no past history of suicides."

"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

"Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

"Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

"The skin was moist and dry."

"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

"Patient was alert and unresponsive."

"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."

"The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

"Skin: Somewhat pale but present."

"Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."

"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."

"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."

"The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."

"The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

Patients' Sign-In Complaints:

"Diarear."

"Sore trout."

Moral Dilemma

Moral Dilemma

Consider this situation. You are driving alone on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus-stop, where you see three people waiting:

1. An elderly woman who is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect mate you've been dreaming about.

Who would you choose, knowing there could only be one passenger in your car? Should you save the elderly woman or take the old friend because he once saved your life? You may never find your perfect dream lover again!

This quiz was given to 200 applicants for a single job. The one who was hired responded: "I would give the car keys to my friend and let him take the elderly woman to the hospital. Then I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Road Dog

As I drove into a car park, I noticed that a utility truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling towards a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the kerb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but if the dog hadn't honked..."

Ever Wonder?

» When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, and you put in your two cents' worth, what happens to the other cent?

» If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

» Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

How That's Again?

Seen in a newspaper: "When responding to an ad, please indicate the names of the companies you do not want us to forward your résumé to. Your résumé will then be discarded."

Get On Board

» In America, buses have a sign saying: "Don't speak to driver."

» In England: "You are graciously requested to refrain from speaking to the driver."

» In Germany, the sign reads: "It is strictly forbidden for passengers to speak to the driver."

» And in Italy: "Don't answer the driver."